When your child prefers the Nanny over you.

It happens to every working mom. No matter who you are there will come a day when your child prefers the nanny to you. It is natural that your child would prefer the nanny from time to time; if you work outside of the home, your nanny is your child's primary caregiver for much of the day. Children crave routine, and get used one person giving them a bath, laying them down for a nap, etc.  The first thing to accept is that it is a natural feeling to be bothered if someone tries to keep you away from your child. Don’t feel guilty about it. First-time mothers and that too working mothers, who are already unhappy about leaving the child to get back to work are liable to be bothered, hurt, upset or even jealous when they feel that someone else is getting or trying to get more attention than they from their child. They feel they are missing out on important moments in their children’s lives because they have sort of abandoned them to the nanny and are therefore being punished for that by the child. This is not true. Children just need to feel loved and cared for. They do not even know that some mothers work and some don’t.  When your child prefers his or her caregiver, it can be frustrating, even heartbreaking. While there may be little you can do to avoid it entirely, here are a few ways to cope when it does happen to you: Share Your Frustration With a Friend – Not Your Child.  It can be confusing and overwhelming for your child to see you upset, especially if it's because of something he did or didn't do. If your heart sinks when he cries out for the nanny and refuses to be held by you, just keep smiling, and save your tears for a private moment. Call a friend and let it out, and then come back to your child and make a second attempt to care for him. Establish a New Ritual With Your Child.  One of the best ways to get out of a rut is to start something new. If your child has established routines with her nanny and does not want to include you, then establish a new ritual that is just for baby and mommy. You might purchase a special book for "mommy reading time", try a new game, or if your child is older, go for a special walk in your neighborhood. That way, even if you are not the caregiver of choice for naps and bath time, you can still have bonding time with your child while she goes through this phase. Remember You're the Mother – Period.  This situation can be so hurtful, that some mothers start to feel very insecure and nervous about their mothering ability. It is important to remember you are the mother at all times. Do not abdicate any decision making to your nanny. Do your best to feel confident in your role and in your mothering ability so that your child feels your certainty and trusts you. So, before you walk in the door after work, stop for a moment to gather your courage. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are a good mother, and can provide the best care for your child. Tell yourself that soon enough your child will once again reach out for you, and stick to you like white on rice. When you finally do walk through the door, leave your insecurities behind and give your child a great big smile! http://www.kaamkhoj.co.in/